Mr. Rather, Your (Pink) Slip is Showing

Professor Jay Rosen of NYU has amalgamated a cornucopia of news clippings supporting the notion that John Kerry is only the 2nd biggest loser in the election. The first? A few smatterings:

Weekly Standard's Stephen Hayes writes, “For some 16 months, then, journalists at the New York Times and the Washington Post and the television networks saw themselves not as conveyors of facts but as truth-squadders, toiling away on the gray margins of political debate to elucidate the many misstatements, exaggerations, and outright lies of the Bush administration and its campaign affiliates.”

“We've watched in slack-jawed amazement over recent weeks as the big media, fearful of another four years for President Bush, have basically become an unpaid adjunct to the Kerry campaign”, states an Investor’s Daily editorial.

According to Peggy Noonan, “Every time the big networks and big broadsheet national newspapers tried to pull off a bit of pro-liberal mischief--CBS and the fabricated Bush National Guard documents, the New York Times and bombgate, CBS's "60 Minutes" attempting to coordinate the breaking of bombgate on the Sunday before the election--the yeomen of the blogosphere and AM radio and the Internet took them down.”

“Some networks resisted declaring that Bush had won Ohio after pleas from Kerry operatives not to project a winner of the state. In the White House pressroom, dispirited correspondents sheepishly avoided members of the Bush team who wandered through the West Wing expressing growing irritation at the networks’ refusal to admit the inevitable. As each hour passed, the credibility of the Old Media “swirled around the bowl”, perhaps for the last time before finally being flushed by the American viewing public,” euphemizes Jeff Gannon, pajama wearing blogger.

[Insert Liberal Joke Here]

Barbi Weiner, a New York third grade teacher currently on disability, is suing the Republican party for having taken an active role in returning George Bush to the White House, a circumstance that resulted in Ms. Weiner suffering a nervous collapse Nov.8th.

"I looked up and saw the WestSide Waffle! sign with its big red 'W’s,'" she says. "And I realized it was true – he won. Then I started thinking about my life and I realized that I couldn’t go on living in a country where a war-mongering baby-killer holds the highest office in the land. I guess I lost it."

Asked why she hasn’t sued Mr. Kerry for capitulating, Ms. Weiner said, "That’s just like a Republican – blame the victim. How would it be fair for me to sue Mr. Kerry for losing to the vast right-wing conspiracy?"

Ms. Weiner says her life has become very circumscribed since the election. "Before my breakdown I used to enjoy walking around my neighborhood. This is a very diverse area and it used to be such a pleasure to know that everyone you passed on the street thought about life exactly the same way you did… Now I can’t be sure that the person walking next to me isn’t one of that 17 percent who voted for the war-mongering liar… I can’t bear to go out any more. It’s so distressing."

No stranger to lawsuits, several years ago Ms. Weiner won an undisclosed amount, rumored to be in the tens of millions, when she sued Moonraker’s Coffee for having addicted her to caffeine.

Is her name pronounced whiner or wiener?

Does this Mean the U.S. Still Belongs to England?

Reuter’s Dan Whitcomb reports a California teacher has been barred by his school from giving students documents from American history that refer to God -- including the Declaration of Independence.

Steven Williams, a fifth-grade teacher at Stevens Creek School in the San Francisco Bay area suburb of Cupertino, sued for discrimination on Monday, claiming he had been singled out for censorship by principal Patricia Vidmar because he is a Christian.

Williams asserts in the lawsuit that since May he has been required to submit all of his lesson plans and supplemental handouts to Vidmar for approval, and that the principal will not permit him to use any that contain references to God or Christianity.

Among the materials she has rejected, according to Williams, are excerpts from the Declaration of Independence, George Washington's journal, John Adams' diary, Samuel Adams' "The Rights of the Colonists" and William Penn's "The Frame of Government of Pennsylvania."

It’s unbridled, ill conceived, irrational, blind activism such as this that gives the other 3% of liberals a bad name.

Please Pass the Stuffing and the Political Correctness

Maryland public school students are free to thank anyone they want while learning about the 17th century celebration of Thanksgiving... as long as it's not God.

School administrators statewide agree, saying religion never coincides with how they teach Thanksgiving to students.

"We don't focus on religion, because it is not a part of our curriculum," said Sandra Grulich, Cecil County Schools' elementary school curriculum coordinator.

Mentioning that the Pilgrims were Puritan is about as close as most administrators are willing to step to integrate religion into their curriculums.

"We mention they were Puritan but students usually just understand that they had a belief system and not much more than that," said Carol Williamson, Queen Anne's County Schools' associate superintendent.

Fortunately it is still ok to discuss why Suzie’s two "uncles" f*** each other in the a**.

Conservative Tough Guys 1, Liberal Pansies 0

Officials from the sports world and the city government were in Washington DC's Union Station today to confirm what was already widely known -- that the Expos are being re-named the Washington Nationals.

But before the media event got underway, DC Statehood Green Party member Adam Eidinger jumped onto the stage holding a sign protesting Mayor Tony Williams' planned stadium deal.

Not about to let a protester ruin another big baseball day in the nation's capital, Charlie Brotman, the 73-year-old (yes, 73!) former Washington Senators public address announcer, wrestled the intruder out of the way, clearing the stage for the Montreal Expos to be rechristened the Washington Nationals.

Meanwhile in Chile, President Bush stepped into the middle of a confrontation and pulled his lead Secret Service agent away from Chilean security officials who barred his bodyguards from entering an elegant dinner for 21 world leaders Saturday night.

He reached through the dispute and pulled his agent from the scrum and into the building. The president, looking irritated, straightened his shirt cuffs as he went into the dinner.

To the Viktor Go the Spoils

The Ukrainian opposition party loses it’s national election, in spite of favorable exit polls, and claims voter fraud. Opposition leader Viktor Yushchenko (not to be confused with incumbent Viktor Yanuko… Yanu… Ya-not-gonna-work-here-any-more) blamed his loss on lazy Muslims, the slacker Ukrainian youth, and the majority party right-wing Orthodox Christian fundamentalists.

Would You Like to Michael Moore Size that for a Quarter?

HARDEE'S INTRODUCES NEW MONSTER THICKBURGER - The New 2/3 lb. Thickburger Takes Decadence to a New Level

Now Hardee's is introducing the mother of all burgers - the Monster Thickburger. Weighing in at two-thirds of a pound, this 100 percent Angus beef burger is a monument to decadence, yet is still a throwback, as it features lots of meat, cheese and bacon on a bun.

Like all Hardee's burgers, the Monster Thickburger features 100 percent Angus beef patties. In this case, it's got not one, but two 1/3-lb. charbroiled patties, topped with no less than four strips of crispy bacon, three slices of American cheese, and some mayonnaise - all on a buttered, toasted, sesame seed bun.

A quick check of the "nutrition" guide weighs it in at 1245 calories, 38 gms of saturated fat, 197 gms cholesterol, and 55 gms of carbs. On the upside it's 52 gms of protein. Mmm, mmm. It's lardo-licious.

White House Shake Up

Eight (count 'em, eight!) top cabinet members resign after President's re-election to include Secretaries of State, Commerce, Labor, Housing & Urban Development, Transportation, Energy and Veteran's Affairs and, yes Defense! You heard it here first folks. Find the full story here.

Shake Up in CBS Newsroom

CBS producer gets story right... gets fired.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - CBS News has fired the producer responsible for interrupting the last five minutes of a hit crime drama with a special report on the death of Palestinian President Yasser Arafat, a network source said on Friday.

Word of the dismissal came a day after CBS apologized to viewers for breaking into "CSI: NY," one of its top-rated shows, on Wednesday night."

An overly aggressive CBS News producer jumped the gun with a report that should have been offered to local stations for their late news. We sincerely regret the error," the network said in a statement on Thursday.

Dan Rather commented on the issue by stating, "CBS News has the highest news standards. When people fail to meet those standads, we hold tham accountable."

I’m a Liberal, What Now?

Ok, so you’re a liberal and boy are miffed about the results of the election. You didn’t lose, you were robbed! And you wouldn’t have if those minorities and the slackers that comprise the youth of America had gotten off their hineys and voted. And don’t even get me started on those voter-intimidating Republican goons. Sure, you can say “There’s always next election”, but that’s what you said last time. And look where that got you. Don’t take this sitting down. Take action! Join one of the largest liberal organizations in the world by clicking here.

Today’s Headlines

Bush up 20,000 votes in Iowa: It's still up in the air

20,000 votes seprate Bush and Kerry in Nevada: Neck and neck

Bush leads by nearly 150,000 votes in Ohio: Too close to call

400,000 vote lead for Bush in Florida: A recount could decide

Kerry holds 13,000 vote lead in Wisconsin: It’s a landslide!

History Lesson

NPR’s Tavis Smiley was on with Peter Jennings this morning and suggested that with a Bush election, Republicans would hold up renewal of the Voting Rights Act. Section 2 of the VRA, which prohibits the denial or abridgment of the right to vote on account of race or color, only extends to 2007. Just so we're clear, from Wikipedia.com:

The VRA was enacted in 1965 because of the practices of the Democratic Party in the southern states. Although the right to vote is guaranteed by the Fifteenth Amendment, the Democratic Party argued that Primary elections were an internal party affair, and that the party was a "private club", so that the government had no authority over its criteria for membership and other factors relevant to participating in primary elections.

Next week we will learn which party Abraham Lincoln belonged to.

Indian Giver

A federal judge ruled today that Republican poll workers in Lake Andes, South Dakota were intimidating Native American voters.

The ruling comes after Democratic Sen. Tom Daschle sued his opponent, John Thune, and the GOP in federal court in Sioux Falls on Monday, asking [U.S. District Judge Lawrence] Piersol to stop what Democrats say was intimidation of voters.

Piersol, whom Daschle chose for the federal bench, released his opinion about 1:45 a.m. today after hearing one witness from each side.

Piersol also ordered Thune to stop freezing Hell and running over old ladies with his flying car. When Thune stated that he did not have a flying car, Piersol charged him with contempt.

Kerry is Down with Eminem

From MTV:

Yago: Last time we talked, in March, you said that it's important to listen to hip-hop because it gives you a sense of what's going on in the street. Have you heard the new Eminem song that's been out?

Kerry: You know, I heard Eminem on "Saturday Night Live" last night. I heard the song that he did. I don't know if that's part of his new [album] or not. I liked it. But that's the only thing that I've heard in the last weeks. I'm on the trail. I'm campaigning every day.

Yago: Last question: If you're elected, will you come on MTV as president and speak with young people again?

Kerry Concluded, "Fo' shizzle my nizzle. 'S all good. MTV is straight up on the fly dope homie. Slap me some skin."

Vote Early, Vote Often

USATODAY reports that early voters in Florida lean towards Kerry.

Many Florida voters took advantage of early voting, including Dick Tracy, Mary Poppins and Ritchie Cunningham. Cunningham is a 20 year-old first-time voter and staunch Democrat. “With the polls opening on the 18th in Broward County, I still had plenty of time vote in Palm Beach, Miami-Dade, and Martin,” says Cunningham. “The following week I also hit Brevard, St Lucie and Okeechobee.”

Attorney Frank Staph, one of the thousands of lawyers hired by the Kerry campaign commented, “Isn’t it great to see the youth of America this excited about voting.”

And the enthusiasm is not just limited to the young. Mrs. Greta Richards, an 80 year-old Bush supporter, also took advantage of the early poll openings. Unfortunately Mrs. Richards was jumped by a group of individuals organizing a Teamsters rally nearby. “I don’t know what happened,” says Richards. “I was walking to the voter booth when someone sucker punched me and ran off with my walker.”

Luckily 3 dozen lawyers came to her rescue. “Next thing you know I had 30 lawyers giving me their business cards,” she recounted. “And that Mr. Staph is such a nice man. Since I wasn’t able to make it to the voting booth, he offered to place my vote for me. Such a thoughtful gesture.”